I don't think I even need to say how flippin' sweet my Halloween costume skills are.

Brothers

I uploaded some recent photos from our camera and when I went back to look at them, one of the photos of Sammy seemed very familiar.


Here's Samuel at 1 year..














And here's Benjamin at 1 year...3 years earlier...











Kinda freaky...

Catching up

I post entries here so infrequently that I totally forget my password everytime and I have to try every password can think of until I guess it right because the password reset/recovery doesn't work for some reason. I should write it down somewhere, but I'd only forget where I put it.

Anyhoo....I am slowly finding my marbles that were lost. One here...one there...pretty soon I hope to have most of them collected. Sammy is settling (for the most part) on a pretty decent nightly routine. Down at 8, up breifly at 12 and 4, and one in a while sleeps in until 7 or 7:30. When he first started this, we were afraid something was terribly wrong. But I have been getting sleep that I haven;t had since before he was born. Very nice.

Maddy started 1st grade and loves it. Ben switched to a new room in preschool and is now excited to go, instead of clutching to my pantlegs when I drop him off. I am starting to get my rear in gear and attempt to get back into the shape I was in 2 years ago and ready for next season's racing. I have got quite a ways to go. I have to make up for a whole year of mostly sitting on my duff.

Seeking Lost Marbles

I'm frustrated because I can't find my marbles. They're lost. I think maybe the new kid stole 'em!

I'm too old for this...

Boy, nothing slaps you in the face to mark the passage of time like seeing your infant child in an outfit that was worn by an older sibling.

"I swear Ben was just in that oufit that Samuel has on like a few months ago, right? What?! What do you mean it was three years ago??"

Actually, I'm not too old for this. I'm kinda glad that we had kids later in life than our parents did. It keeps us young in a way.

Most of the time, I don't really feel my 38 years. Sometimes I feel them too much. But overall, I don't mind the fact that I will be 56 when Samuel graduates from High School, almost 20 years older than my Dad was when I graduated. Strange to think about that.

I often think that my frequent lack of patience with crying, fussy children is due to being almost 40, selfish and set in my ways, and trying to raise a baby. But if I remind myself of who I was, where I was in life, and how my head was screwed on so crooked as an early 20-something, I think it's much better this way. And if you think about it, the trend is going this way. People our age are having kids much later in life than the previous generation, and what that means is that we are allowing ourselves more time to experience young single adult life and to find ourselves before we committ to the next chapter. Does this sound like lame gibberish? I think it means that maybe we are a little more balanced in our parenthood, and our mid-life crisis won't be so severe because we still have our kids with us as a distraction.

I don't know....maybe not. Maybe it will be worse!

Stop the Insanity!!!!

I'm at the pump, filling up the tank on the truck, and I'm seething at the rising gas prices. I know...who isn't? Anyway, I'm asking myself, "What is it going to take to get this society to rise up and shout 'Enough!!'?" I bet there is alternate fuel technology out there that is being supressed by high-pressure oil company dollars. It's a conspiracy, man!!
So I (re)committed myself to riding my bike to work on Mon-Wed-Fri. This morning, I go out the door, and see the wet streets. "Hey, it was dry out here a half an hour ago!" Oh well. I'm committed, right?
Got soaked and grimy. I start to think that I should have just turned back around and went in to change and grabbed the truck keys. But then I decided, what the heck. This is living. So I get a second shower before work...bonus! Except that I didn't bring a dry pair of underpants to put on.
A familiar chorus to an old song starts to play in my head...."Yeah, I'm free.....

Our Town

OK..so I'm driving around today in downtown in an area where I have been before, but not for some time and I looked down a street that I hadn't been on for a very long time, if ever, and I was struck by the feeling that I would love to just turn the wheel..point the truck down that road and see what there is to see. I have always enjoyed exploring parts of this town that are unfamiliar. I started thinking, "Boy, wouldn't it be fun to get in the car with the family on a Sunday afternoon and just drive around different parts of town and see what this place called Fresno is made up of." Then I think again. It may be fun for me, but I'm sure the kids would be bored stiff. I know that I've made the suggestion to Meegan in the past and it didn't go over so well. But someday I'm going to do it. I'm just going to load everyone up without saying anything and drive. I want the kids to realise that this town is much bigger and WAY more diverse than the street that they live on and the school or church that they go to. There are some pretty cool places out there...interesting old neighborhoods, places that were the very life of this city long ago that are now all but forgotten.

Does this sound crazy? Or dull? Lame? For some reason, I'm drawn to these things and these ideas. I love to see and experience places that were the building blocks of our community. Downtown is an amazing place and I could spend a whole day and more just driving around and looking at the people, the buildings, the homes, even the run down slums that were once shiny and new. Better yet, get out and walk. I was walking down the Fulton the other day and had a chat with an old homeless lady at a bus stop shelter who wanted me to join her under a blanket and keep her warm. Naturally I took a raincheck. But it's good not to shy away from interaction with the downtown "inhabitants". This attraction to exploring even holds true for other places. Like Sunnyside, or the west side. I even enjoy seeing the stuff popping up all over the north side (even though the wildfire growth rate of commercial development out there is astonishing and sometimes dismaying). But I always, always come back to the old. I don't know why. I'm just so intrigued by things that were made in another time that are still standing here today, even if barely. Pop Laval's photos of Old Fresno simply thrill me. Is that weird? Oh well. If it is, I don't care.

Sleepless in Fresno

I'm so tired I can't even think of what I was going to write in this post. I should go to bed right now. Not that it would do much good. Sam is now almost three and a half months old and he is stuck in this horrible glitch in which he is wide awake every 2 hours during the night and thrashing wildly and fitfully most of the time between. He sleeps in our bed with us, which is great. But he won't last in his crib. He doesn't even sleep for more than half an hour to 45 minutes for naps during the day. And getting him to do that is sometimes a struggle that may take an hour of messing with him. An hour of frustration for half an hour of peace?!?!? We have been trying to figure out what his problem is, why he is doing this, without any luck and then some friends offer some perspective and clarity. Sam is not in need of a solution. There is no why. Sam just IS. This is the season that we are in and Samuel is his own person and with each growth spurt and developmental milestone comes another side effect that may cost us something...like sleep. But look at him. What are you going to do? How can you get all upset about it when he is this cute?

And baby makes five...

I have been meaning to get this entry posted for weeks, but haven't had the gumption to get it done for some reason. Maybe it's the fact that I'd rather be squeezing out every minute of sleep possible these days, rather than sitting in front of a computer screen late at night. You see, the baby arrived 3 1/2 weeks ago on a Friday afternoon, so we have been operating on little rest, running on fumes so-to-speak.

Boy, did this baby come quick! I get the call from the wife on a Friday at 2:00 that I might want to start making my way home, as the contractions that have been running off and on sporadically since morning are now about 10 minutes apart....serious, but not terribly by most cases. So I get home at 2:45 (I was away from the office) and she is much more progressed than the last time I talked to her, and she is very emotional. I call the mid-wife and tell her "game on", and she is on the way. Meegan is pacing and breathing through the contractions in the beedroom while I am starting to get things ready....making the bed, getting out the supplies from the birth kit, etc. Our good friend Tracy L. shows up for support and photo-duty and suggests that meegan lie down to try to slow the contractions. Just then, the mid-wife walks in and comes around to the side of the bed. Then suddenly, BAM! Meegan's water breaks and there is the crowning head...out he comes in a matter of seconds....all 9lb 8oz and 22 inches of him. He's HUGE! And PERFECT!! The time is 4:00. Meegan recalls that she didn't even consciously push....her body and the baby did the work. All I can say is, she is a super stud...unbelievable!! I can't respect her enough for what she is capable of.



Samuel Isaak Rahlen Kliewer....baby brother to Madelyn and Benjamin. And they are loving all over him. It's cool to see how well they've taken to him. We just have to watch it with Ben because he is still learning what "gentle" means, apparently. We're all adjusting just fine and are enjoying our family of five. Samuel already has a plethora of nicknames...Sammy, Little Red Sambo, Saminator...on and on. Despite the workload that comes with a newborn, we're having lots of fun!



I've talked to a few people...friends, acquaintances...who are intrigued by the decision to home birth, but who think we're either crazy or risky or both, usually. But it makes a lot of sense to us. I've said previously that I won't get on the birthing soap box and I won't. But I just believe, after much consideration, that medical intervention can sometimes...not always (every thing has its place)... propogate more intervention and lead down a road that many birthing mothers would not have chosen for themselves. I want to stay far away from generalizations, however, some doctors and nurses for some reason seem to have a great fear of just letting the body do it's thing. I'm sure it's the whole malpractice issue. Home birthing with a qualified and trustworthy mid-wife, and a hospital/doctor back-up plan, takes that problem out of the picture. The mother is free to labor and birth her baby however and wherever she feels is right for her and her body...peacefully and quietly...much better for the wellfare of everyone...mother, baby, and father too. The baby is born into a stress-free environment, not bombarded by blinding lights and poking, prodding medical staff......instant skin-to-skin contact with mother, which is so important. I think that the medical community mindset tends to treat childbirth as a medical emergency, a condition that requires treatment, rather than the totally natural occurence that it is. This is strange to me, as I know that these people have all had children of their own. All I'm saying is that people have been having children naturally at home with mid-wives for thousands of years. And Yes, I know that lots of women and infants throughout this history died from complications that may have been prevented. I'm not saying that we blindly insist that it happen at home and we don't consult doctors at all. We see the doctor during pregnancy more than the mid-wife and have everthing in place for a trip to the hospital, should we need it.

I said I wasn't going to get on a soap box....oh well!

Ok, here we go.......again

Baby number 3 is due to arrive in 4 weeks, but likely less, based on track record. So the wife and I are trying to get ready. Oh, we are physically ready...the crib is in it's place, the newborn clothes are washed and in the dresser by the crib, the birthing kit is delivered (more about that in a minute) and all the "things" for the baby are situated. I'm talking about getting mentally ready.

We are constantly finding ourselves stuck in this mode where we are micro-managing our kids....just getting on top of them for every little thing. I don't know why we do it. It's like we think for some reason that we should be able to completely control all actions and responses from them....like a couple of good little robot kids....no fuss, no muss. We let our frustration levels rise so quickly over things that, in the bigger picture, really shouldn't matter.

I would have to say that, for me, this has been one of the most challenging areas of parenting; realising that yes, they are their own person and have their own wills and aren't always going to act the way I want them to. And really, this is good and natural. But can I get a little cooperation once in a while. please??? That's all I'm saying. But seriously, it has been hard to repeatedly let go of some of my unrealistic ideals of how things should take place with regard to parenting. Is it selfishness on my part? Why do I expect that my kids should do everything I tell them instantly and without any questioning or arguing? That's an ideal world, not this one. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I haven't put enough fear in them. But how crazy is that? What kind of father would that make me? I want my kids to want to be around me for as long as possible. Someday, they won't be as excited when I get home from work, so I have to enjoy every minute of it now.

Getting back to baby #3, the bottom line is this; there will be MUCH less room for the mirco-managing once Meegan and I are outnumbered. Switching from "man-to-man" to "zone" coverage, as my buddy TL put it the other night.

So I'm bracing for the added demands on time, energy, attention, etc. that are inevitably coming with the new baby. Not just from the baby but from Maddy and Ben as well. When it seems to be such a challenge to deal with just the two them, how is it going to be with one more? We are going to have to back off a little on the two and relax if we want to maintain any sanity with three, I suppose.

Ben is still making his way into our room at some point during each night to sleep in his "special bed", a comforter on the floor at the foot of our bed. How is he going to feel about his new baby brother being with mom and dad every time he comes in? When Ben was an infant, I remember Maddy coming in early one morning, looking at us and saying, "Why is that baby always in your bed??!" Pretty funny. We do the "co-sleeping" thing with our babies, which is really cool, except for the fact that, since I am much heavier than Meegan, the baby almost always ended up under my shoulder from sliding in my downhill direction. I was constantly moving Maddy or Ben back to the center of the bed so I didn't squash them.

Ben was born at home in the bed, in the quiteness and peacfulness of our warm, lowlit home, with Maddy and close family at hand, and a super awesome mid-wife taking care of Meegan. This next one will be born here, as well. I can't recommend the experience enough to anyone considering a home birth. I'm not going to get started on all the reasons to try to limit medical intervention. I can leave that soapbox for someone else.

Anyway, after all of this rambling and spilling of jumbled thoughts, it comes down to this; Meegan, I , Maddy, and Ben will just adapt to the change...embrace the change...enjoy our family of five! After all my trepidatious complaining, I can honestly say that I'm excited to see this new life emerge and to see how the family dynamics change....again.